First Value, Then Engagement: Why the Metrics Change as Users Progress

Most products track engagement from day one. DAU. Time spent. Sessions per week. The assumption is that more time on the product means more value delivered.

For SAM, I'm thinking about metrics differently. Engagement matters, but not until after something more important happens first.

The Sequence That Actually Matters

Here's the logic I'm working with:

Stage 1: Free users. The only thing that matters is whether they reach "first value." Did something click? Did they see something they couldn't see before? If they're spending hours in the app but never having that moment, the engagement is hollow.

Stage 2: Conversion. SAM is free until value is delivered. Once someone has genuinely been helped, they can convert to paid. Tracking engagement before this point would be measuring the wrong thing.

Stage 3: Paid users. Now engagement matters. Are they coming back? Are they going deeper? Retention and continued use become meaningful signals because we know they already got value once.

Most products collapse these stages. They optimize for engagement from the start, assuming engagement equals value. For a product that helps people work through relationship stuff, that assumption breaks.

Why Engagement Before Value Is Meaningless

Think about a good conversation with a friend who really listens. Sometimes it's long because you're finally working through something that's been stuck. Sometimes it's short because they asked the right question and you suddenly see the situation clearly.

The length tells you nothing about whether it helped.

If someone spends two hours talking to SAM during the free tier, what does that tell me? Maybe they had a breakthrough. Maybe they're stuck in a loop. Maybe they're avoiding the actual conversation they need to have with their partner.

Time-on-app won't distinguish between these scenarios. Neither will message count or session length.

If I optimized for engagement from the start, I'd be incentivized to keep people talking longer before they've gotten any value. More messages, more notifications, more hooks. But what's the point of engagement if they never reach clarity?

The best outcome in the free tier might be a short conversation that gives them the insight to go have a real conversation with their partner. That user got value. They should convert. And then their ongoing engagement starts to matter.

First Value as the Free Tier North Star

For free users, here's what I'm optimizing for: did the user have a moment where something clicked?

I call this "first value." Not first use, not first session, not first message. First moment where SAM helps them see something they couldn't see before.

This is fuzzy. It's hard to measure. It doesn't fit neatly into a dashboard.

But it's the thing that determines everything else. Without first value, there's no conversion. Without conversion, engagement metrics are meaningless.

A user who has one clarifying conversation and then converts got exactly what they needed. A user who messages SAM fifty times during the free tier and never reaches clarity got nothing, no matter how "engaged" they were.

Engagement would score the second user higher. First value scores the first.

Six Types of Value Moments

Since "aha moment" is abstract, I needed to break it down. What does value actually look like when you're talking through relationship stuff with someone who listens well?

I've landed on six categories:

Feeling heard. The user shares something, SAM reflects it back accurately. Sometimes that's enough. Someone who feels understood can process on their own. This is what good friends do.

Articulation. SAM's questions help the user say what they couldn't say before. The insight was already there; it just needed to surface. "I didn't realize that's what was bothering me until I said it out loud."

Clarity. "So these are the three things going on: X, Y, and Z. Does that feel right?" Naming the components of a messy situation.

Pattern recognition. SAM connects dots across what the user shared. "You mentioned this same dynamic last week. Do you see a pattern?"

Reframe. SAM offers a new way to see the situation. Not advice, just a different angle. "What if they're not being defensive, but scared?"

Actionable help. SAM helps draft a message or prepare for a conversation. Concrete output the user can use immediately.

Each of these is a value moment. Each is more important than session length.

Measuring the Unmeasurable

The obvious question: how do you measure something as fuzzy as "aha moment"?

I'm planning two approaches that work together.

User-reported signals. At the right moments, SAM can ask: "Was this helpful?" An emoji reaction. A quick check-in. Users will tell you if you ask, as long as you don't ask too often.

Behavioral proxies. Value moments should have signatures. The conversation deepens after them. The user comes back days later and references what they discussed. They start a new topic with more openness. They disengage thoughtfully rather than trailing off.

Neither is perfect. But together they should give a signal that engagement metrics alone miss.

After Conversion: When Engagement Becomes the Metric

Once someone has converted to paid, the metrics flip.

Now I want to see engagement. Are they coming back? Are they going deeper? Do they reference previous conversations? This is where DAU and retention start to matter, because we're no longer wondering if they got value. They did. They paid for more.

What I'll be watching for with paid users:

• Frequency: do they come back?
• Depth: do they open up more over time?
• Reference: do they mention previous conversations?

A paid user who returns weekly and shares progressively more is getting ongoing value. A paid user who stops coming back is a churn risk, and that's a signal worth investigating.

The key insight: engagement is a lagging indicator of value, not a leading one. It only becomes meaningful after value has been established.

What This Means for Product Decisions

Rejecting engagement as the primary metric changes how you build.

No dark patterns. If engagement isn't the goal, there's no reason to manufacture it. No artificial streaks. No notifications designed to create anxiety. No gamification that substitutes for actual value.

No notification spam. Every push notification has to answer: "Does this help the user, or does it help my engagement numbers?" Most fail that test.

Slower growth, maybe. Engagement-optimized products grow faster because they're designed to. Value-optimized products grow through word-of-mouth and genuine retention. The curves look different.

Different incentives. If the PM is measured on DAU, they'll optimize for DAU. If they're measured on value delivery, they'll make different choices. I'm trying to bake this into how I think about the product from the start.

The Tradeoff

I won't pretend this is costless.

Engagement metrics are clear, real-time, and actionable. You can A/B test them. You can show them to investors. You can build dashboards that make you feel productive.

Value metrics are fuzzy, delayed, and require interpretation. You can't always act on them quickly. They don't look as good in a pitch deck.

If SAM ever takes VC money, this will be a conversation. Investors understand engagement. "First value" requires explanation.

But I'm building for a category where engagement-optimization would undermine the product. Keeping someone talking to SAM instead of their partner would be a failure, not a success.

The Bet

I'm betting that sequencing metrics correctly leads to better outcomes than optimizing for engagement from day one.

First value, then conversion, then engagement. Each stage has its own metric. Collapsing them creates misaligned incentives.

The bet is that users who convert after genuine value will:

• Stay longer as paid users
• Engage more meaningfully
• Refer others who also get value first

For SAM, the question in the free tier isn't "how do I get users to message more?" It's "how do I help users reach clarity faster?" Once they're paying, the question becomes "how do I help them keep getting value?"

Those are different questions at different stages. SAM isn't live yet. But I know how I want to sequence the metrics.